Feast (2005) review

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Synopsis: A group of bar patrons are confronted with a horrifying “family” of monsters. Horror tropes are turned on their head with unexpected deaths, ridiculous comedy, and horrible monster sex.

I saw the first Feast movie quite a while ago, maybe three years or so ago. I decided to re-watch it, and I had just as much, if not more, fun the second time. The movie sets itself up by introducing its characters as standard horror movie tropes, with such names as “Bozo,” “Coach,” and “Hero & Heroine.” Within minutes of being introduced to our “Hero,” he bites it, being yanked out a window and eaten alive. Thus, we know almost immediately we’re in for a movie that is a respecter of neither person nor trope, and we’re not disappointed for a second with those expectations.

Feast is a legitimate contender in the horror/comedy genre, and while not as funny as most of the others, it packs plenty of gore to help balance everything out. We get kid kills, hero kills, people that we truly thought were going to live kills: everything in Feast works against your standard horror movie formula, and it’s absolutely brilliant. Most of these people aren’t going to make it, of course, but who will is anyone’s guess, because absolutely nothing is certain.

There are a lot of jump scares, and while this is usually a huge turnoff for me, there are supposed to be a lot of jump scares in a good monster movie. You’re never supposed to know where they are, while always knowing they’ll be where you least expect them. It’s totally appropriate for this kind of movie. The over the top disgusting gore is absolutely warranted, and is used to a comedic effect through most of the movie.

Most of the movie, our cast of characters is locked in a bar, trying to keep everything outside from coming in. This all seems to have little to no effect, however, as the beasts are a stubborn lot, and clearly aren’t going to stop until they get to the chewy centre.

There’s blood, guts, maggots, vomit (which is apparently quite acidic), and everything in between, and it’s only a matter of time before the characters locked inside decide they need to make their way out. To do so, they recruit the dumb blonde (who at one point tries to load a gun she found by sticking the bullet into the barrel) to take a set of keys, wait until they set up a distraction, and then jump into a truck they can all load into to get away. They set up an explosion, she makes it to the truck… and immediately drives away, leaving them all to die. Naturally, the remaining survivors are less than pleased, but its honestly realistic.

And that’s one of the best parts about Feast to me, ironically: its realism. Sometimes, the heroes die, and why shouldn’t they? Is there an unwritten rule in society that someone who wants to play the hero has to last until the end? Sometimes, kids die. And honestly, why shouldn’t they? Kids are useless in monster attacks, and they usually fuck something up. Sometimes, people don’t do what they’re supposed to do in a plan, and it’s not always “Oh no, they didn’t close the door in time and the monsters got through!” She makes a selfish decision to save herself, and, for all intents and purposes, it seems to work out just fine for her… at least until the sequel. More on that later.

The most realistic part of the film, for me, is that they never actually beat the monsters. Sure, that sets up for the sequel, but hey, if I was presented with being able to either A) Fight to the (probable) death with a group of rapey monsters, or B) Run away screaming into the night and probably live to see the dawn, I think I’d probably go with option B every time. And so would most everyone else. There’s something to be said for heroic last stands, but there’s not a rundown, country-ass bar in the world that’s worth dying to defend.